“Just say No!”

Some recent events have inspired me to muse about commitment or lack thereof. So here are my thoughts:

I am wondering about what and how much commitment means to the indivdual. How lightly do we say, yes I’ll be there, or I’ll call you? And how many times do we conveniently forget and claim we’ve been too busy?

Being busy seems to be the general excuse these days anyway - next to “I got stuck in traffic”. Of course, we all have a lot to do, people to see, places to go etc. What I’m wondering about is this: how much are people willing to commit beyond their own immediate space and time? In what measure are they willing to consider that their decision to say yes to something affects other people and their lives? Do they consider that, consequently, their promise has an immediate impact on others? And how do we  - on the receiving end - know to distinguish between a serious promise and a lightly spoken phrase without meaning?

Now some might say: “oh, you just know by the tone of their voice!” But what when it’s written in an e-mail? Is the question not the following: why even say or write it if we don’t mean it? Is our urge to be “friendly” and “not to hurt other people’s feelings” so strong that we’d rather lie than just say - “sorry, but I can’t make it”?

And that brings me to my next issue: How do we prioritize? Of course, we are all learning about setting our boundaries and making sure that our needs are met. The flipside, however, is: we don’t take others and their needs into consideration at all anymore. It’s the me, me, me effect.

These days everyone seems to have the tendency to overbook their already busy schedules. Oh yes, we can still squeeze in a meeting here and a phone call there, can’t we?

Actually, no, we can’t.

And we shouldn’t say that we are going to do a certain thing if we are fairly sure that we just won’t be able accomplish it, and that we are also not willing to make it an important enough issue to sacrifice something else.

So, what does it come down to? I think, it is a matter of honesty: rather learn to say “no” from the start than say yes knowing that most probably we won’t be able to go through with a planned event.

And isn’t this the most important thing: the commitment to be honest with ourselves and with others?

 
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